Of Interest

mrsbadkrumble:

Angel and I spent several minutes trying to fix this sentence. 

We couldn’t, of course. That’s because it’s three sentences. 

Style points to Angel, who pointed out that “so very” is an old-fashioned turn of phrase and Bella probably wouldn’t use it. 

Here’s what we came up with: 

His breathing was slow and even as he ran through the forest. It was so dark that the trees flying past us were nearly invisible. It was so quiet that only the rushing air in my face gave away our speed. 

You know, I’m still not happy with this. I feel like the “quiet” thing doesn’t make sense. Maybe this: 

It was so quiet that I could hear him breathing as he ran through the forest. His breathing wasn’t labored, but slow and even; the only thing that gave away our speed was the wind in my face. It was so dark that the trees flying past us were nearly invisible. 

(Source: reasoningwithvampires)